a la deriva
please write comments on my essay here
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Heyy Sara,
-"EN el cuento, el hombre había saber el fue doler pero fue a la canoa para llegar en TacúrúPucú" the EN should be En...the sentence is very confusing. are you trying to say "the man knew he was hurt but he went to the canoe"? if so, that would make more sense if you wrote: "El hombre sabía que estaba herido, pero fue a la canoa..."
-"El pensó que el sentía mejor pero eso lo hizo se muere porque el veneno fue peor" ... eso lo hizo doesn't make sense here...i'm not sure what you're trying to say but rewording it would help.
-Careful with 'saber' in the preterite...it changes meaning to mean "to find out" in the preterite. You should write it in the imperfect to mean 'he knew', same with tener - preterit tener means 'to get' and imperfect means 'he had' ...also put accent on the o in corazón..."El sabía en lo profundo del corazón que el no se mejoraba porque el fue inteligente y supo que el tenía veneno en su cuerpo." don't forget accents on el (i know i did here but i forget the code ;))
-A lot of the time (1st sentence, a lot in 2nd paragraph) you use the 'yo' conjugation for the preterite instead of the 'Ud.' or 'el' form. careful!
-The phrase 'debe haber escuchado' sounds funny, i'm not sure how you would translate 'he should have listened' but that doesn't seem right.
-Just like english, when listing subjects put 'yo' last..."El hombre y yo debemos escuchar..."
-The word "tambien" has an accent on the 'e'
-"Yo, y el hombre en el cuento no quiso pensar que nada equivocado con nosotros" should be something like "El hombre del cuento y yo no queremos pensar que algo es equivocado"
-"El hombre tiene negacion con el veneno en su cuerpo, y yo tiene negacion para cosas tambíen." yo tengo is the correct form...para cosas is unnecessary.
Very good!:)
--EN el cuento,--
>be careful of capitals where they don't belong, this should just be En
--En la canoa, el hombre pensó que todo es mejor y el no morir pero el veneno era es en su cuerpo->In this sentance I think it would be better to use "el hombre pensaba" this is because it's the full time while he is in the canoe and its continuous rather than one single moment
nice work sara!
Hi Sara,
- In the first sentence, avoid the "de" before the title -- unnecessary
- "hay un hombre que pisó en un serpiente y el serpiente poné veneno en su cuerpo." --> you don't need to say that the snake put venom into his body; just say " hay un hombre que pisó en un serpiente venenoso"
- "El hombre necisitó ir a un doctor pero no tenía fuerza para ir a un doctor." Avoid repetition, just say "...pero no tenía fuerza para hacerlo" or simply "...pero no tenía fuerza"
- TacúrúPucú: watch the accents. Tacurú-Pucú
- "El pensó que el sentía mejor" --> "...que sentía mejor"
- corazon = corazón
- "porque el fue inteligencia" -> inteligente
- Yo y el hombre --> el hombre y yo
- Tambien -> también
- "a mi vida porque negacíon" --> "a mi vida debido a negación"
- "que todo es mejor y el no morir" --> "...el no va a morir"
- "El hombre tiene negacion con el veneno en su cuerpo, y yo tiene negacion para cosas tambíen." --> "el hombre tenía negación con el veneno en su cuerpo, y yo tiene negación para cosas similares."
hey sara good job!
something I noticed in the first paragraph was when you wrote "Hay muchos temas" it should be muchas for agreement because temas is femanine. Another agreement issue I noticed was just a little one when you said "Un tema en el cuento" ... it should be una tema.
*doler = dolor
Also, somtimes you would use past tense but other times you forgot and used present like with 'debe'. Just be sure that throughout the essay the tenses stay constant and agree.
just watch out for things like gender agreement and consistant conjugation throughout the essay. other than that great job! -Lauren
Hi Sara
-"pisó en un serpiente": pisar has the word "on" built into it, you just need "pisó"
-"el serpiente poné veneno": if you're going for preterite 3rd person, it's "puso"
-"a comprender ": no need for "a", comprender means "to understand."
-"EN el cuento", watch the typos
-"el hombre había saber": if you're using the past perfect tense like I think you are, it's "sabido"
-"EN el cuento, el hombre había saber el fue doler pero fue a la canoa para llegar en TacúrúPucú.": I think you're trying to say that the man was hurt but he was in a canoe. I'd probably say "...el hombre sabía que estaba herido pero estaba en la canoa para ir..." But I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to say
-"el sentía", accent on the el, "él"
-"El pensó que el sentía mejor pero eso lo hizo se muere porque el veneno fue peor.": I suggest making this sentence more clear by saying "...él sentía mejor pero en realidad estaba peor y se murió (keeping tense consistent) debido al veneno." It's the middle part that's a bit confusing, that part that starts with "eso lo hizo"
-"El supo": "él", don't forget to put accents over "he"
-"mas": "más"
-"Yo me hago algo que no es bueno para mí.": if you're trying to say you did something that wasn't good for you, then "Yo hice algo que no era bueno para mí."
-"eschucho":"escucho"
-"corazon":"corazón"
-"cuando debido hacer algo": probably mean to say when I should do something, so conjugate it "cuando debo hacer algo."
-"Yo y el hombre debé escuchar ": nosotros verb conjugation
-"Tambien, esta cuento ": "También, este cuento"
-"Yo, y el hombre en el cuento no quiso": "quisimos"
-"nada equivocado con nosotros": probably clearer if you say "no hay nada malo/equivocado con nosotros..."
-"el no morir pero": I think you're trying to say he would not die. If you stick with the present tense conjugation of the verb before, you could use the future tense. Otherwise, put everything in the appropriate past tense.
I think you might have tried too hard to include various (complicated) verb tenses. Trying to use the simplest verb tenses to say something will usually be more clear.
Jason
hola sara!
* "Hay muchos temas en el cuento de A La Deriva"- I don't think you need the "de," it can just be "en el cuento, A La Deriva.
* "El hombre necisitó ir a un doctor pero no tenía fuerza para ir a un doctor."- You can take out the last part-"a un doctor" becuase it sounds like "The man needed to go to a doctor but he didn't have strenght to go to a doctor. It just may sound more fluent without the end.
* "EN"- should just be En
* "TacúrúPucú."- 2 words I think
* "el"- everytime you use the word "el" meaning he, you need an accent on the e.
* "corazon"- accent on the second o.
* "Yo y el hombre"- it should just be switched-"el hombre y yo."
* "Tambien"- accent on the e
* "negacíon" or "negacion"- one has an accent, one doesn't.
Hi Sara
I really enjoyed your essay it was written very well.
-in the first paragraph you say "es a comprender" you don't need the "a"
- Also in the first paragraph a minor correction is your wrote EN when it should be En and you have TacúrúPucú when it should be Tacúrú-Pucú
- Additionally in the first paragraph you have a sentence that says "el hombre habia saber el fue doler..." this sentence is very confusing. I'm not sure what you are trying to say and I think you may need to re-word it a little. Also in that sentence there should be an accent on the e of the el
-in the second paragraph you say "yo me hago" it should be yo me hace and the yo is not necessary
- Another little thing is at the end it still says "write m ore" you may just want to go in and delete this if you get the chance
Overall great job!
paragraph 1:
- the de is not necessary when saying "el cuento de A La Deriva"
-only the A in A la deriva needs to be capitalized
- there is a gender error with serpiente, since it is a feminine word, una and la should be used instead
- in regards to the construction of the sentence "El hombre necisitó ir a un doctor pero no tenía fuerza para ir a un doctor", it is not necessary to say ir a un doctor twice, instead you can omit the a un doctor the second time
- in "es a comprender", I don't believe that the a is necessary, since the unconjugated verb already has the to built in
- I was confused by what you were trying to get across in saying "el hombre había saber el fue doler pero fue a la canoa para llegar en TacúrúPucú", so for the sake of clarity, I would suggest revising it in order to better display what you are trying to relay
- remember to use accents on the e in el when you are talking about the subject of the verb
- "que el sentía" instead of saying él sentía, se sentía would be a better option, I think
- "corazon" should have an accent on the second o
- "TacúrúPucú" is two words
- "El supo en lo profundo del corazon " for this I would try rearranging the sentence so that lo comes before supo, which would provide it with a better flow
- for this sentence "El hombre debe haber escuchado sus pensamientos en lo mas profundo del corazon y el no habria morir", I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say, but it seems like you were saying that he should have listened to his thoughts. The way you wrote it is a direct translation, however haber would not be the correct verb, and instead you can just used deber. The same goes for "habria morir", where instead you can say he would not have died, or no moriría. Also, remember an accent in the second o of corazon and on the i in habria. Typically there will be an accent on the last i in verbs conjugated in the conditional tense.
paragraph 2:
- instead of "eschuchar" it should be escuchar
- in the sentence "El hombre en el cuento se hizo va a la canoa y el sabé el fue doler", I'm again not quite so sure what you want to say here, but some suggestions for revision would be that instead of sasying en el cuento, del cuento would work. Also, you shouldn't conjugate a verb if it falls directly after another verb.
- if talking in the present tense, "Yo me hace algo" should be hago instead
- "Yo y el hombre debé" here there is a conjugation error, and instead the nosotros form would be used. Also, you would say el hombre y yo.
paragraph 3:
- "Tambien" there should be an accent on the e
- "esta cuento" should instead be este cuento since cuento is masculine
- again, "Yo, y el hombre en el cuento no quiso" should cause for the verb to be conjugated as nosotros, and it should be el hombre y yo
Remember to fix the CSS code that Peto gave us and delete where it says "Write more."
Actually, it's the HTML you have to fix. The CSS is a separate file that determines the layout of the page, colors and style.
- when you say,"El hombre necisitó ir a un doctor pero no tenía fuerza para ir a un doctor." it would be easier to just end the sentence after fuerza because it seems repetitive.
-Un tema should be una tema
-use accent marks on supo and corazon
-"Yo me hace algo" I think that can just by yo hice algo
-There should be an accent on tambien and also you should write este cuenta not esta.
Good Job!
